today at Wellness Works of Glendale, in the writing class – the topic was out of a poem something about an ode to lazy – here was my writing after listening to it, and here is what came out of it, it was extremely hard to read!!!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013 @ 12:34:46

❝ ❗🔑 📫 💔 ☂ ❞

I have no ode to laziness

That too was taken in the bath of depression

Was taken by a string of lies

Like flying as high as kites in the deepest of blue skie

Why in my heart did it rain like hell

And burn like forests dried out and withering

❝ ❗🔑 📫 💔 ☂ ❞

I don’t want to do a damned thing most of the time

I fight myself to get out of the bed

Best bed I have had in over 20 years I think

But not that I just want to lie in it , to seek the comfort of a nothing to do morning through to the afternoon – and dream and think of a happy time that is coming

If I could find one of those,

But more to drown everything from my head – is it preventing my wishing that I were dead – dead again, in the physical sense, can’t get out of this hell and lack of suspense but uncertainties that are seen from a mile a way

And none of the light from this fucking cesspool of a tunnel of crack and poverty and despair of a hand that may be reaching out to help,

But then, not being able to tell if it is another hand to keep me down

❝ ❗🔑 📫 💔 ☂ ❞

Laziness, I have known very little of

Always been high energy, even now, when I finally was able to get out

Push myself out of the door to be with Veterans and Veterans Advocates

To get my fucked unfucked – or at least try to do something productive

Something that will be able to take the air molecules out of hell

And into the sunshine of someone else’s hope

Hoping that it is until I find some of my own

❝ ❗🔑 📫 💔 ☂ ❞

And for now I just hope to hope

With all who love me, all who are positive, and I

To only hope to be positive too,

Too many people say that this is the only way out

Is to be positive, even if all day, I wonder about what

❝ ❗🔑 📫 💔 ☂ ❞

I hate U lazy mother fucker drowned in a thick tar of can’t get up

Depression my ass! I hate U too

I hate the self loathing keeping me from a wondrous mind

Something I know is inside of me

But cannot find – not all of the time

❝ ❗🔑 📫 💔 ☂ ❞

So positively have to get a handle on this depression

Positively have to distinguish from laziness to oppression

Of the hands keeping me down, whether my own

Or the ones from the throne

The power elite

And keeping me from the speak

Or is it just laziness

Or is it just depression

Is it symptomatic of one to another

A psychological whirlwind of intercrossing of one and another

Smothered to a non-recognition

❝ ❗🔑 📫 💔 ☂ ❞

I need a schedule

But when I have one

I can’t seem to follow

Seems I know I am doomed

Seems I know there are no super heroes

Seems I know too much

Can they all equate to lazy, or hopelessness!

12:50:51