well, we are switching the group to wednesday – it will be a better time – at night … so! here it is, the first writing on wednesday – with a prompt by Eric – after we listened to “Song For Picking Up” by Tony Hoagland, in the book of Selected Poems

 

Attention to Detail

 

134233 on 6-11-14

 

what the hell is missing

a word

a piece of equipment

a long walk on the beach

a song that has never been sung and is hard to reach

 

for the instability that stomps on my forehead

pounding me deep into the dirt

where one day I shall lay

and the days past has reminded me of all the ineptitude that this soul has

a soul that despises the lethargic has not been able to shake instability

 

and the words of my Veteran friend, they did not help, not today

though I appreciate this … wake the fuck up approach

I have not been able to awake out of the nightmarish horrors

they are not gone, that is exactly why

they are not as easy as pie to eradicate

 

one would first have to eradicate the source

 

so in the attention to detail

one must first know exactly what it is that eradication means

should U in this case return fire with fire

if so, there would be countless people in body bags

deep in the depths of never being able to live again

when finally it is realized that even though they are not here

they are still murderous – so very murderous

with no capitulation to the inevitable wrong to their life thieving game

but then they have no forces coming against them

confronting the stink of their shit that flies call home

 

there is no confrontation, because even though I have friends

I have love from those who absolutely know me

in that what they know is absolutely true

the truths that are forever like treasure to their person

the weighing of the situations of the world truths

the constant that one makes with no lack of integrity to all of everything they wish for in life

 

we have attention to detail

in this perfect military styled answer to being squared away

and I, a Marine, no longer squared away

will I get there

will I be there again

I have insight

I have my truths too

shaped in the hell of not being able to turn being victimized off

 

maybe it is in a person

 

maybe I am not fighting hard enough

 

maybe motherfucking all these goddamned maybes

 

without a certainty of what the fuck I could ever do to make it different

 

maybe the intensities of what happened in the Corps are heightened by this shit of being a Marine with out the joy of the fullness of democracies, A Marine, proud of the integrity that he is to the principles of love – love without truth means there is no equation to complete the ad infinitum of the propensities it stems from

 

my attention to detail, I want it only to be that of love, and love that will be the journey back to life, if there is indeed any life for me to live at all. I shall always pride myself on the love of truth… none of this bullshit line, that U constantly here, be true to yourself, be true to U – what the fuck – it is all about being true to what is true. Is everybody trying to do this? Is this what the attention to detail is all about. Or is it about being neat – about not letting anybody see all this fucking shit that I am writing about… being the instability that keeps me from a life that I wish to live

 

perhaps even those of us recondite in spirit, we need a bit more attention to detail, or at least I do, or perhaps because I am so fucking unstable, I cannot find the attention to detail

 

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