starting out – we are missing our fearless leader Leilani, Rick, and our other Marine friend Patrick. i have been down a bit for a few weeks, and have not posted, but have some writings that i will try to post this week – peace and love everyone, and enjoy the writing – we had Adam, Terre, Eric, Ramon, Wes (Army Vets – & me, the Marine) 🐸

Looking for the me I used to be before I entered this ptsd

Life is different now – so what r U going to do with it

I’m an abstract mind – so don’t mind me

12:10:31

2010, i was found to be quite unstable

the nurse said, Kenneth, you can’t leave without first being seen by the Psych.

i seen her

she said, what do U want, abrasive loud and aggressive

I checked out immediately, she was the third one that made me feel more suicidal leaving than when I came in

life is different now, in 2015

it is the same

and what can i do about it

only what i have been doing forever

since the first therapists who cared

they told me, you would do good to visit this idea of loving yourself

what is that, I wondered out loud

I have already been seeking help, regular help for years. It was one on one sessions, but since those one on one sessions starting in about 2007, I have been trying everything, some things work, some things don’t work.

It doesn’t sound good – well, who would just spend hours per week just talking to someone, just going to this group or that group.

Well, it does sound good, the Veteran Writers Workshop, the art therapy as my maintenance, at least there are a few things that I love doing.

I love creating, as we have been wonderfully created, or the coming from the plutonic soup, created nonetheless, we are in the fullest potential wonderful beings waiting all day to be wondrous, or typical U and typical me

are we special

special enough to be seen as precious

worthy of the help we need

the help we wish to have

the help we desire

a call out, a voice of my need,

I am hyperventilating, crying and snot out my nose

don’t let anyone see me

please

so many have helped

tell me I can call

ask me over for a get out of the closet moment

let’s shoot, lets write, lets breath, let’s eat, let’s travel, let’s use all of our five senses, let’s enjoy ourselves, find some pleasure in life, find a day livable, so get out of bed

so we can find out

what we are going to do with it

see things differently

or

see things the same

see thing in the light of pain

with possible help, or help

find an easy button, share an easy button, be an easy button, know some easy buttons

Veteran’s writing group, an easy button

Camaraderie, from the similarities in a journey of service

thank U